"inside her mascot suit"
… she’s whispering, “I’m going to eat you when you fall asleep,” which is why your kids are screaming in that Daisy Duck photo.
"amish kid walks into a bar"
Oh, come on. You can make up a punchline. You can do it.
"tasmanian devil critically endearment"
This only looks like nonsense. In fact, it has been reported that if you call a tasmanian devil a cheesy term of endearment like “Pookie” or “Lovebunny,” you will end up critically injured. Because if there’s one thing tasmanian devils don’t like, it’s cheap sentimentality.
"ass patrol i don’t like tan line"
Hey, I’ve never had a tan in my life. So feast your eyes on this, and let’s hear some applause, Officer.
"invite me in because im a man and i dont ply games"
Well, I do play games. Super-fun games. But I’m not inviting you in to play them, because you can’t spell.
"husband” “motorcycle” “river” “dog” “gay"
The use of quotes really helps bring out all the individual elements here, but isn’t the important question why they’re all in the same search?
"do squirrels go crazy when they eat chocolate"
Let’s find out! Here, you Google it… and I’ll just start tossing these m&ms.
"its my 7:00 pm poop and im alone at work"
So alone that you type this update into Google before you get up to walk the empty halls to the restroom.
So, so alone.
"wife passed out at a party woke up naked"
And just like that, Easter brunch gets totally out of hand.
"combat… his weapon of choice: a broom"
The best part of this search is the careful attention to punctuation in order to build up the story and really deliver that “broom” shocker… while typing it into a search window.
Meet Dad on Arrival. It’s easy to see how this one fits into the Search Party project. The search terms that lead visitors to this funny, mild-mannered parenting blog are some of the most hilariously inconsistent with the site content. For example, its tracking stats show visits by people who typed terms like this into Google:
“daddy halfnaked.com”
And…
“sex maniac.com”
As well as the occasional preppy sporting fan…
“what time to arrive at steeplechase”
And this individual, who just… really?
“door salesman just out of prison”
As the dad behind Dad on Arrival says, “I really want to get inside the brain of Google and figure out how these searches landed on my site.”
"fuck that shit i am going to space"
Fuck that shit, indeed. You fly, brave explorer. FLY TO THE STARS.
"midget on a segway"
…is the name of my new band, which was previously going to be called Beaverhausen, but this is better.
"i won’t cry for you my mascara is too expensive"
It’s hard to imagine he broke up with you because you seemed emotionally distant.
